Monday, October 20, 2014

Sometimes you NEED a squirrel. So here's some Greg's Giggles......

LADIES ‘n’ GERMS, Mr. Greg Schankin!

* What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A fund raiser.

* Obama shocked the nation over the weekend when he proposed that we replace The Star Spangled Banner with something more contemporary. Apparently, R.E.M’s ‘It’s the End of the World As We Know It’ is currently the leading contender.

* They say a lot of people walked out when the President started talking in Baltimore yesterday. Not surprising. Here's how Obama stacks up these days popularity wise. Obama is at 33 percent positive. Mitt Romney is at 43 percent positive, a big bounce back. And the Ebola virus is holding steady at 0.00%.

* A new study found that 16 percent of Americans under the age of 24 don’t have a job. There’s even a name for that group: Art History majors.

* Dutch scientists say they're continuing research into making artificial meat from stem cells, and in about eight months they'll have a complete hamburger patty. When I first heard this, I was shocked. There are Dutch scientists? It's got to be uncomfortable working in a lab with those giant wooden shoes on.

* This weekend I found out that Taco Bell came out with a taco that's wrapped in a Doritos shell. If for some reason that doesn't sound appealing to you, you're not stoned right now.

* On Friday, President Obama spent the night at his home in Chicago for the first time in over a year. It was nice — he even went down to the basement and dusted off some old campaign promises. That’s right, Obama spent the night at his home in Chicago. Of course it got awkward when he left and his housekeeper was like, "So, see you after the election?"

* Forget the Mayans. According to NASA, the world will not come to an end for another 4 billion years — or about the same time your 401(k) comes back.

* The CDC’s press conference on Ebola had its agenda changed at the last minute this morning. The subject was changed to the life cycle of squirrels.

* The Secret Service just sent out a memo reminding President Obama's security detail that they shall not take drugs, get drunk on duty, or hire hookers. If the agents have to engage in such misbehavior, they shouldn't be in the Secret Service. They should be members of Obama's cabinet instead.

* I heard that Al Gore and Tipper got a divorce. They apparently experienced global cooling.

* I’m officially sick of superhero movies. I feel the same about inspirational posters with kitties hanging onto things.

* The Chinese economy has shown signs of slowing down. Experts say that’s what happens when your workforce starts to enter its teens.

* Saw something on Netflix over the weekend. It's "Snow White and the Huntsman." Charlize Theron is the evil queen. She's willing to commit murder just to keep a more youthful appearance. They have a name for that type of person in Los Angeles. It's called everyone.

* President Obama gave the commencement speech at Barnard College the other day. He told graduates their future is bright unless they want jobs.

* Al Gore has a new girlfriend. Apparently, it's getting pretty serious. He's already been over to bore her parents.

Thththththtat’s all, fffffolks!

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