Monday, October 27, 2014

Once more unto the office dear friends.... but first, GREG'S GIGGLES!

Ladies ‘n’ Germs, Mr. GREG SCHANKIN!

*     Politicians in Miami have passed a resolution to split Florida into two states. Yeah, the two states would be known as Geezerville and Methylvania.

*     Yesterday on TV they interviewed an 82 year old African American Grandmother who is voting Republican this year. No bigs. A few years from now she'll be voting Democrat again forever.

*     It is a little known fact that upon arrival in Heaven we are each given a 'true name' to replace the one we used on Earth. Anyway, one day a lawyer arrives in Heaven and is given a new name by St. Peter before he enters. "Your name from now on shall be 'Tigger.'" "'Tigger'"? Why????" he said. "You’re a lawyer – and you're in Heaven, so yoooooour the ONLY ONE!"

*     There are no funny lawyers. There are only funny people in the wrong business. (You hear that, Kent?)

*     I sent my book to the publishers’ to review. The company gave my manuscript a new title. "Thank you for submitting your manuscript."

*     I have always liked PJ O'Rourke's Law of Budgetary Circumcision: You can take 10% off the top of ANYTHING.

*     I saw the Star Wars trilogy again this weekend. Look at the Emperor, and it struck me: the resources of a billion planets at his beck and call and still they don't offer a decent dental plan?

*     "Facebook Autocorrect: We Make You Look Even Stupider Than We Think You Are!"

*     The other day President Obama had all his staffers in the White House and yelled at them about the Ebola crisis and their poor handling of the information. He said, "It’s not tight, people!" (Of course, when Clinton used that phrase in the Oval Office he was referring to something completely different.....)

*     Did you hear about how Jeffrey Dahmer started going to church in jail? They said that he wanted to be a Lector.

Ththththat’s all, fffolks.....

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Keep it clean for gene.