Monday, October 13, 2014
("Hey, nitwit, 'colobus' is spelled with two o's and one u!") ("Sorry.....")
Ladies 'n' Germs, Mr. GREG SCHANKIN!
* Today is "Youth Day" in China, so the kids only have to work a 15-hour day.
* Legendary poker player Amarillo Slim has passed away at the age of 83. His friends were stunned. They thought he was bluffing.
* German authorities report they have discovered digital files hidden in a porn movie that outline al-Qaida's plans for more terrorist attacks. I believe this is the first time that a porn film has ever contained a plot.
* The Secret Service announced that agents will now be assigned chaperones on certain trips. What is that? I thought the Secret Service WAS the chaperone.
* Levi Johnston, recently became a father again — with another girlfriend. They settled on a name, and that name is Breeze Beretta. I'm surprised by this. Levi usually makes sound decisions. Beretta is the name of a gun manufacturer.
* A lady got arrested for bringing her 5-year-old to a tanning salon. Guess what state she is from — New Jersey. Is that a crime in New Jersey? In New Jersey, I think they call that day care, at least they do here in Detroit!
* There is a woman who has lived in the same apartment here in Manhattan for 100 years. She moved in in 1912 right after she broke up with Larry King.
* There's a doctor in Britain who lets his patients watch their favorite DVD during surgery to distract them, and avoid the need for general anesthesia. Here's how it works: it doesn't.
* Time magazine is reporting that Lebanon's most wanted Sunni terrorist has blown himself up in Syria. Wow, a lot of these guys have a short fuse.
* I don't want to say people in Oregon smoke a lot of weed, but the state bird is the iguana.
* Then there is Texas, which recently changed ITS state bird to the construction crane.
* We should make the Secret Service agents travel with their moms. They would be highly trained themselves and will be ready to throw their bodies on any agent who is about to throw his body on a prostitute.
* It could be worse. They say that Osama bin Laden would be alive today if his bodyguards hadn't been screwing around with hookers.
* It turns out that there is a woman in an apartment on the Upper East Side of New York who has lived in the same apartment for 100 years. So congratulations to Barbara Walters.
* The CDC announced today it is taking steps to ensure the recovery of that poor nurse in Texas. So they are sending helium balloons and a get-well card.
* They recently modified the Air Force oath so as to leave out the words "So Help Me God" so that no atheists would be offended. This follows a subtle change made in the Presidential oath in 2013, where "So Help Me God" was changed to "So Help Me Golf."
* Actually, given the current circumstances, everyone saying "So: HELP ME, GOD!" is a good idea.....
Ththththat's all, fffffolks......
Posted by (c)2014 Richard L. Kent, Esq. (MichiganSilverback at gmail dot com) at 12:01 AM