Tuesday, September 2, 2014

When Tuesday = Monday, it's Time for GREG'S GIGGLES!

Ladies ‘n’ Germs, Mr. GREG SCHANKIN!

* According to an anthropologist from the University of Hawaii, who spent years studying this, Hello Kitty is not actually a cat. I hope the anthropologist was studying other stuff, too.

* The anthropologist said she was preparing for a museum exhibit and according to the company that makes Hello Kitty, she is not a cat. She is a cartoon character. And a little girl. But not a cat. That makes as much sense as Hasbro announcing that Mr. Potato Head wasn't a potato.

* Hello Kitty is a cat. I don't know why they would take that position. Maybe there's a translation issue.

* How many of you have kids heading off to college? Well, don't you worry, because that liberal arts degree, that thing is a license to print money.

* Chinese authorities have seized 30,000 tons of what? Chicken feet. Because they're tainted. Well, there goes my cookout.

* Is there really a difference between tainted chicken feet and non-tainted chicken feet? It's negligible.

* It's Labor Day weekend. Labor Day, of course, is a holiday where people take three days off from being unemployed.

* It's Labor Day weekend — time to put up your Christmas decorations.

* You can now buy a pack of beer containing 99 cans. A 99-can pack of beer. Who says America has lost its competitive edge? Go America!

* Burger King is moving to Canada. they bought the doughnut place, Tim Horton's. Financed by Warren Buffett, burger king will be moving to Canada to avoid paying taxes. Hearing about it, president Obama immediately took away Buffett's medal of freedom.

* Apple is secretly developing a new product rumored to be the largest iPad they've ever made. It's said to be 12.9 inches across, and it will be the first iPad that folds out into a full-size bed.

* I just spent a lot of money getting the small iPad and now there's a big iPad I'm also going to get. They come with a pre-shattered screen for that cool, broken-in look.

* An iPad that's 12.9 inches — it doesn't sound big, but it is big. And it's going to make those people that take pictures with their iPad look even more ridiculous.

* According to a report from the United Nations, the damage from global warming could be irreversible. It's clear we need to do something. We need to give the Earth the ice bucket challenge.

* Did you hear about the earthquake in California's Napa Valley? That's wine country. The Red Cross now says they want some donations of Merlot.

* A 6.0 earthquake. It was so powerful it knocked Arnold Schwarzenegger off his housekeeper.

* 6.0 — I've had heart attacks bigger than that.

* But still: it was a big one, a 6.0 earthquake. It was so powerful that Lindsey Lohan was driving on the right side of the road.

Ththththat’s all, ffolks......

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Keep it clean for gene.