Monday, September 22, 2014

♪♪Monday, Monday.....♪♪
Time for Greg's Giggles!


* The people of Scotland are voting on whether to declare independence from the United Kingdom. If Scotland votes for Independence, it could have major ramifications. Great Britain is concerned that if they lose Scotland, they could be cut off from a major supply of bagpipes and kilts.
* The official ballot is one line: "Should Scotland be an independent country?" And that's it. Why is it that I have to go through 18 pages of terms and conditions to download iOS 8 while a whole country can secede from the United Kingdom by checking a box that says "Yes"?

(*  Well, we just go the word that Scotland voted no. This time. If at first you don't secede, try, try again....)
* South African sports officials have ruled that Oscar Pistorius is free to run competitively again. Shortly after the announcement, he was signed by the NFL.

* In a recent interview, Texas Governor Rick Perry revealed that he has spent the last 20 months preparing to run for president. Then Hillary said, "Call me when you’ve spent 67 years."

* Vice President Joe Biden will travel to Iowa this week, three days after Hillary Clinton’s high-profile return to the state. He’ll spend two days there — one campaigning and another stuck in a corn maze.

* Actually, Biden will be in Iowa to help a group of nuns called "Nuns on the Bus" kick off their voter registration tour. Biden says it's his way of giving back, while the nuns say it's God's way of testing their faith.

* The reason Mr. Amazing is so expensive is that he's one of the world's smallest Pomeranians. For another $4,000, they will sell you no Pomeranian at all. [And it would be worth every penny. - ed.]

* This week scientists at North Carolina State University announced they discovered a way to move and manipulate liquid metal with electricity. And Arnold Schwarzenegger has already been sent back in time to stop it.

* Did everybody get the free U2 album in their iTunes? Well, there were some complaints, so Apple built a webpage specifically for users to delete the album from their accounts. You just enter your birthday, and if you’re under 40 years old it deletes the album.

* The White House today came out in support of requiring police officers to wear body cameras at all times. It’s a great way for fans to keep up with their favorite NFL players.

* On Tuesday, Apple gave the new U2 album to all of their customers for free. It just showed up in their iTunes. People were upset about it. There was so much backlash that Apple released a tool to remove the album from your iPhone. Poor Bono and his weird sunglasses are soaked with tears right now.

* In New York City today, the 69th version of the United Nations General Assembly was called to order. Manhattan was jammed with traffic, streets were filled with people wearing strange clothes and yelling in every conceivable language. Then the U.N. got started.

* The U.N. delegates fan out across Manhattan to take advantage of diplomatic immunity. They do dangerous stuff just because they can, like get speeding tickets. They can even take pictures of Alec Baldwin.

* It's always fun when people who can't stand each other come together, make speeches, and glare at each other in silent hatred, knowing they won't have to see each other for a whole year. It's like international Thanksgiving.

* Last night was the big finale of "America's Got Talent." It's my favorite TV talent show, if you don't count "The X Factor," "The Voice," "American Idol," "Top Chef," "Top Model," "Project Runway," and "Twerking With the Stars."

* People call "America's Got Talent" AGT. That's how lazy we've become. We can't pronounce three words

* A Saginaw, Michigan funeral home is offering a drive-thru viewing option. Or as they're calling it, "Jack Actually in the Box." ["Would you like fries with that?" - ed.]

* Problems for the NFL continue. Last week Nike suspended Ray Rice's contract and today they suspended Adrian Peterson's contract. So now Nike is down to Oscar Pistorius and Kim Jong Un.

Ththththat's all, ffffolks.......

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