Monday, August 11, 2014

Monday, Monday..... must be time for GREG'S GIGGLES!

Ladies ‘n’ Germs, Mr. GREG SCHANKIN!

* A 44-year-old mother in New York was arrested after she left her 7-year-old unattended at a Long Island Lego store. Luckily by the time the police found the child, he had already built a better mother.

* Dunkin' Donuts announced they have created their first-ever coffee-flavored doughnut. First ever? Your name is Dunkin' Donuts. They're all coffee flavored! Your name is a recipe for coffee-flavored doughnuts.

* President Obama's approval rating is now at an all-time low. It's so bad that last night he gave his daughter Sasha a ride to a friend's house and she asked him to drop her off two blocks away.

* Last week it was revealed the CIA has been spying on the Senate Intelligence Committee, which is the committee that's supposed to supervise the CIA. Who do these people think they are? Facebook?

* Here's what I've never understood. Why do leakers expose national security information? Why not leak stuff like the Colonel's fried chicken recipe? I would like to have that.

* A Russian crime ring has stolen 1.2 billion user names and password combinations, which I'm pretty sure is all of them.

* The crime ring stole the information from hundreds of thousands of websites. Experts recommend that you change all your passwords just to be safe. I have to say I would almost rather have all my information stolen than to have to change all my passwords.

* The San Antonio Spurs have made history by becoming the first team in the NBA to hire a female assistant coach. She is the first woman to get that close to that many NBA players without being a Kardashian.

* A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It's a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."

* Police in Ohio are looking for two women who tried to rob a bakery but left with only two glazed donuts because there was no money in the register. The cops are offering a small reward for information on the women, and a huge reward for info on those doughnuts.

* A new poll found that President Obama's approval rating has hit a new low of just 40 percent. Or as Obama put it, "60 under par!"

* President Obama celebrated his two hundredth golf game last week since starting work as President. This as opposed to Reagan, who, much as he loved to golf, only golfed eight times in the White House. Of course, he had a job to do.
* While speaking at an African leadership summit earlier this week, Vice President Joe Biden accidentally referred to Africa as a country instead of a continent. To be fair, most of what he knows about Africa is based on "The Lion King."

* A woman in New Mexico pulled a gun on a Comcast technician because she didn't want to pay her cable bill. Wow! That woman doesn't need HBO. She IS HBO.

* Right now, available only in San Francisco, is an app where you can get marijuana delivered right to your door. Whoever pairs this with a pizza delivery app probably will get the Nobel Prize.

* A new study found that most Internet-connected home gadgets and appliances are vulnerable to hackers. It's only a matter of time before your blender steals your credit card number.

* I read that PETA is now saying they’ll pay off people’s water bills if they agree to go vegan for 30 days. Or in other words, you can get PETA to pay off your water bill if you can lie for 30 days.

* North Korea has opened a summer camp where kids from around the world can swim, play volleyball, and learn about the country's culture. It's the first camp in history where kids tell ghost stories to feel safer.

* Beyoncé's dad, Mr. Beyoncé, is teaching a college course on how to "Become the next Beyoncé." Beyoncé's dad explains the two-step process. Step 1, start a hugely successful girl group and sell millions of records. Step 2, fire the other girls.

* It's a great day for Pope Francis. He released his top 10 tips for feeling happier. I didn't know Popes did that. Anyway, most of the Pope's tips were what I expected, like No. 7, "Respect nature." No. 3, "Be calm." Except No. 1 — start every day by watching the video of Justin Bieber getting punched in face.

Ththththat’s all, folks......

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