Monday, July 14, 2014


* Best Buy just announced plans to lay off some Geek Squad employees. In response, Geek Squad employees were like, "Phew, good thing I already live with my parents."

* A high school in Indiana is requiring every student to buy an iPad instead of using textbooks. That's nothing. In China they require every student to MAKE an iPad instead of using textbooks..... out of stone knives and bearskins.

* Comic-Con starts this week in San Diego — and get this: it'll actually feature a blood drive. Because that's what comic book fans need — a way to look even more pale.

* O.J. celebrated his birthday recently with some friends in prison, and they had a nice little party for him. Out of habit, after he cut the cake he hid the knife.

* In Iran there's a TV show, a sitcom — it's weird that they even have a sitcom. But it's a rip-off of "Modern Family." They use Iranian actors and make shot-for-shot re-creations with the same plots and jokes. But their "Modern Family" has no gay characters. The most modern family on Iranian TV up to this point is the Flintstones. (The next show up is How I Met Your Mullah.)

* Last week the U.S. was eliminated by Belgium at the World Cup. And next week Belgium will be eliminated by drones.

* An 81-year-old woman in the U.K. went sky diving to help raise money for a local hospital. They didn't raise a lot of money, but they did get a new patient.

* There was a showdown between Argentina and Germany in the World Cup semis. Apparently after Germany won, Pope Benedict gets to sleep in and Francis has to do his 5:00 AM mass every day this week.

* Yesterday was a great day to be in Spain because it was the annual festival of cruelty to animals — the Running of the Bulls. It's a terrifying feeling to be rushed by that giant herd of creatures. It's like being the last candy bar at Honey Boo Boo's house.

* The Running of the Bulls tradition started in the 1500s. Instead of saying it is too dangerous, they'd say "You know, if we got drunk enough we could turn this into a festival."

* They're going to institute the same festival on Wall Street right after the Federal Government quits the latest QE program. They'll call it The Running From The Bears.

* The U.S. soccer team was eliminated from the World Cup competition, but they gave it a pretty good run. But the problem now is we have to find something else to pretend to care about.

* House Speaker John Boehner is threatening to sue President Obama for using executive actions to create laws, instead of going through Congress first. Then Obama shrugged and made a new law that you can't sue the president.

*Congrats to Joey Chestnut. On Friday he won the Fourth of July Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest by eating 61 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Another guy said, "But I ate a hundred!" Then the judges said, "You have to wait until we say ‘Go!', Governor Christie."

* I hope everyone had a great Fourth of July weekend. And if you don't remember it, then trust me, you did.

Thththththat's all, folks......

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