Monday, July 7, 2014

Greg's Giggles for a Monday Moanin'


Ladies 'n' germs, Mr. Greg Schankin!

* They’re considering a new 10-cent fee on grocery bags in New York. My Mom is looking down from Heaven saying, "Who's laughing at the eight-thousand bags under the sink NOW?"

* British scientists are saying King Tut died in a chariot accident. I think he was texting.

* Happy Birthday to Hugh Hefner. He turned 88 years old recently. His friends threw him a big party. They had a naked woman jump out of a giant wheelchair.

* New documents leaked by Edward Snowden show that the NSA actually spied on people while they played the video game World of Warcraft. I don't know — to me it sounds like some NSA agents had to think quick when they got caught playing World of Warcraft at work.

* I finished my Christmas shopping over the weekend. I know. I hate me too.

* So these Taliban guys have been down there in Gitmo and now they're on their way home. They're flying home. How would you like to get stuck behind these guys at airport security?

* They just passed something in Hawaii called the Steven Tyler Act. It's a sweeping piece of legislation that says you must wear a scarf at all times. Actually it's designed to protect celebrities from paparazzi by making it illegal to take unwanted pictures or video of them in private to sell for profit. No offense, but isn't every photo of Steven Tyler an unwanted photo? Doesn't the Steven Tyler Act sound like something we would create to protect ourselves from Steven Tyler?

* It seems that England's royal family is running out of money. They are down to just $1.6 million. Well sure, that's what happens when nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years.

* Target just announced that it is dropping health insurance for part-time employees and they’re blaming it on Obamacare. I guess now if Target employees need to pay for healthcare, they'll just have to use their customers' credit cards.

* A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.

* Kim says she wants to keep the baby out of the public eye. In fact, the E! network is developing a new show called, "Keeping the Baby Out of the Public Eye With the Kardashians."

* President Obama's wife Michelle has highlighted her hair. She has blond highlights in her hair. And those will probably be the only highlights of his second term.

* CNN got just 35,000 viewers. Even worse, most of those views came from monitors left on in the background on CNN.

* A Colorado man unsuccessfully tried to break into a University of Colorado ATM by spraying it with acid and waiting for it to eat the protective covering away. He was caught when authorities examined the three hours of security footage of his face.

*  President Obama is sending a couple hundred troops to Iraq. We spent six years trying to figure a way to get out of Iraq. And now we're back. But this time there is an exit strategy. Barack Obama has an exit strategy. In 2016, he's gone.

Ththththat's all, folks......

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Keep it clean for gene.