Monday, July 28, 2014

Dammit. Monday. Gotta find something to delay....um.... Hey, it's GREG'S GIGGLES!




Ladies ‘n’ Germs, Mr. Greg Schankin!

* I heard that Rob Ford's nephew is planning to run for a seat on the Toronto City Council. He has an interesting campaign slogan: "I'm adopted!"

* Officials are concerned that people in Los Angeles are too apathetic about the drought. We're not doing anything about it. Of course, that will change next week when they announce that the drought is killing all the marijuana crops.

* President Kennedy said let's put a man on the moon, and by God, 10 years later we put a man on the moon. Sunday was the 45th anniversary. Nowadays a big deal for us is we combined the croissant and the doughnut to get a cronut.

* When we landed on the moon everybody remembers what they were doing, and everybody remembers what Neil Armstrong said just before he left the capsule and stepped onto the surface of the moon. He said: "Out of my way, Buzz!" Whack!

* According to a new poll, two-thirds of people in Colorado think it should be illegal to smoke marijuana in public, while the other one-third are still laughing at the word "poll."

* A 105-year-old women in San Diego threw out the first pitch in a baseball game. I think it's great to see Barbara Walters is still out there.  But anyway.  She pitched seven scoreless innings! And she's the only woman who slept with both Alex Rodriguez and Babe Ruth.

* In a recent interview, President Obama said Joe Biden "would be a superb president." In a related story, Hillary Clinton punched a hole in a door.

* The Chicago Cubs have filed a lawsuit against a man who got into a bar fight while unofficially dressed as the team's mascot. They could tell he wasn’t affiliated with the Cubs because he won.

* A judge wrote an opinion today in favor of Obamacare, saying that getting healthcare from the state or federal government is the same as ordering from Pizza Hut vs. Domino's. I’m not sure I agree. THEIR websites always worked

*  Queen Elizabeth's horse tested positive for morphine and a mix of other powerful drugs. Sources say the queen is in denial. She thinks someone confused her horse's urine sample with Prince Harry's. So remember, horses, when it comes to drugs, just say Neigh.

* Happy birthday to England's Prince George, who turned 1 yesterday. The prince’s first birthday party was a little different. His bouncy castle was an actual castle. And the pony rides were on Camilla.

* A professor from U.C. Berkeley said Californians are on track for having the worst drought in 500 years. Which explains why Larry King was overheard saying, "This again?"

* You can tell this drought is getting really bad. Last week, while in California, I was at lunch, my waiter asked if I wanted a glass of water or a future for my children. I took the water.

* I saw that Hillary Clinton visited the headquarters of Twitter and Facebook yesterday. Hillary would also have visited LinkedIn, but she already knows what job she wants.

* I just read about this student at MIT who's created a new robot that can play Connect Four. Yes, an emotionless machine that can occasionally sit down and play a board game with you, or as I called that growing up — my Dad.

* Even though both Israel and Hamas fired on one another during the five-hour humanitarian period the other day, the U.N. secretary general said both sides "mostly respected" the cease-fire. That's like leaving the house without pants and saying you're "mostly dressed."

* Today is the 30th anniversary of the National Minimum Drinking Age Act, which raised the drinking age to 21. Also turning 30 today: a 16-year-old boy, according to his fake ID.

* It's a great day for a man in Brazil. He's 126 and has been called the world's oldest person. He says the highlight of his life was playing goalie for Brazil in this year's World Cup.

Ththththat’s all, folks......

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Keep it clean for gene.