Monday, July 30, 2012

Weekend's over... time for GREG'S GIGGLES!

Well, that answers THAT question.....

So. It's almost August. If you were in Europe, you'd be starting your vacation now.... but you're not, sooooo.......

Ladies 'n' germs, MR. GREG SCHANKIN!

*        Commander Daniel Burbank shook hands with a robot on the international space station. It's all part of NASA's "What stupid stuff can we do in zero gravity" program.

*        President Obama will be going to Disney World where he'll unveil his new plan to create jobs. And what better place for the president to talk about his jobs plan than Fantasyland?

*     Energy Secretary Stephen Chu testified before Congress that he thought it was a good idea to lend $535 million of our tax dollars to the solar panel company Solyndra right before they went bankrupt. If he'd taken all of that money, put it in a big pile and set it on fire, it would have produced more energy than Solyndra.

*     President Obama's top economic adviser, a man named Austan Goolsbee, has stepped down: He will be replaced by something a little more effective: a Magic 8-ball.

*        A report from the Department of Homeland Security says they regularly monitor social networking sites, like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace. So that's who is looking at MySpace, I guess.

*     Hey, what's the difference between Obama and Dr. Conrad Murray? Conrad Murray will still be serving a term next year.

*     Just saw “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” on DVD. In this one, not only do the apes take over, but they actually do a better job with the debt crisis than humans.

*        If I make a resolution, I'm not going to do it. I don't like anyone telling me what to do. Even if it's me telling me what to do. So I end up breaking resolutions because I like to rebel against myself.

*     People say that Mrs. Obama may have been drunk at an appearance. Well, take a look at those poll numbers. I'd be drunk too.

*     I wish our election was more like the election in France. By that, I mean I wish it was over.

*     You can always tell Simon Cowell is coming back to TV when there’s a shortage of black T-shirts at Babies “R” Us.

*     The concept of the big summer blockbuster didn't exist until "Jaws" in 1975. I'm surprised no one's combined "Jaws" with a fairy tale — "Snow White and the Seven Sharks."

*        Dutch scientists say the world's first test-tube meat, a hamburger made from cow stem cells, will be available sometime this year. Test tube meat made from stem cells. I hope it tastes as good as it sounds.

*     The American Airlines terminal at JFK was evacuated recently because of a suspicious bag. Although with American Airlines, any bag that ends up in the right place qualifies as “suspicious.”

*     Steven Spielberg is going to release a biopic about Abraham Lincoln next year. Right, that’s a good way to honor Lincoln — by sending people to the theater.

*     There are 249 millionaires in Congress. Remember a couple of years ago when this new Congress told us they had the solution to the recession? Apparently, they didn't share it with the rest of us.

*        From 1934 to 1963, the biggest criminals in America ended up on Alcatraz. Nowadays they end up on Wall Street or in government.

*        Newt Gingrich says that people who ride on subways in New York are the elite. I was on the subway last time I was there and one of the elites sitting next to me was smoking crack. (Of course, that would explain a lot.)

*        The movie “Big Miracle” came out, about some people trying to save a group of whales. Of course you may be familiar with the TV version — “The Biggest Loser.”

*     Scientists are using a robot explorer at the pyramids in Egypt to photograph secret chambers that humans haven’t seen in 4,500 years. There’s graffiti down there that hasn’t been translated yet. It probably says, “Larry King was here."

*     Cinco de Mayo celebrates the Mexican army’s unlikely victory over the French. Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but is any victory over the French unlikely?

*     Welcome to Detroit, where there’s something happening every minute and most of it goes unprosecuted.

*        A new study found that birth control pills don’t cause weight gain. But you know what does cause weight gain? Not taking birth control pills....

*     Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you will be right!

Ththththtat's all folks!

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Keep it clean for gene.