Monday, May 21, 2012

Monday, Monday.....
Time for Greg's Giggles!

Ladies 'n' Germs, It's Greg Schankin!

* We’re under a heat dome, and meteorologists believe it’s due to Oprah’s hair spray.

* Vice President Biden will travel to Turkey to speak at an economic summit. When he heard he was giving a speech to Turkey, Biden was like, (CLEAR THROAT) ‘I am SO sorry about Thanksgiving.'

* I’m feeling pretty good. I finally got myself weaned off the Weather Channel.

* Schools here in Detroit aren't allowing Santa Claus to come into the schools anymore. Not because of religious reasons, but they claim he's wearing gang colors.

* The Oxford English Dictionary announced which new words will be included in the next edition. It’s like when they announce the line-up for “Dancing With the Stars,” but for people who can read.

* This weekend, there was a six-hour tennis match. I mean, it was longer than a Kardashian wedding-

* Here’s what I don’t understand about rioting. If you’re going to destroy a city for no reason, why destroy your own city? Move one city over.

* They don't think Conrad Murray will do any jail time, but he will go to work in the prison system, however. They think he'll be in charge of lethal injections.

* There's talk that Facebook is building its own smart phone. Not to be outdone, there's talk that MySpace is refurbishing an old beeper.

* President Obama announced a plan to recover federal bailout money from banks. I guess this explains why Biden was seen yesterday buying a gun and a ski mask.

* The Greeks have decided to show their regrets for the Euro zone breakup. They left a gift of a giant horse outside the EU central bank.

* Prohibition was a dark time. Alcohol was illegal and peppermint latte was not invented yet. How did people make it through the day? Alcohol was illegal in this country from 1919 to 1933. So for 14 long years, not a single person did karaoke.

* Father’s Day is alot different now days. Kids have to buy presents for their biological father, their stepfather, their surrogate father, and their babydaddy.

* I was talking to a friend about Romney. He said, "For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing. Terrorists, what they fear most is a dog on a car roof."

* A man was busted at JFK airport for smuggling six pounds of cocaine in his sneakers. That’s right, his plan was hiding cocaine in his shoes — you know, those things that you never, ever have to take off at the airport.

* Taco Bell is product testing a new taco with a shell made of a giant Dorito. Michelle Obama spent the morning watering the White House garden with her tears.

* A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.

* The rate of interracial marriages is at an all-time high. I know from experience because I am white and my wife is super white. My wife is so white that people think she's ill. People on the street say to her: "You want bone morrow?"

* The latest fashion trend in Hong Kong is eyeglasses without any lenses in them. People just wear the frames. The feeling is that they make you intelligent, even though they're totally useless. Kind of like the congressional supercommittee.

* Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Ththththtat's all, ffffolks.....

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Keep it clean for gene.