Friday, April 20, 2012

Rich Doesn't Have Time To Post Today...
Time for Greg's Giggles!

Ladies 'n' Germs, Mr. GREG SCHANKIN!

 * In a new interview, President Obama was asked to describe Michelle, and he used the words “beautiful, smart, and funny.” When asked how he picked those, he used the words, “she’s, sitting, and right-next-to-me.”

* Astronomers have discovered a planet that has two suns. That solar company Solyndra went bankrupt on that planet too.

* Oil prices jumped to well over $100 a barrel, and analysts say it's due to tension in the Middle East. So, luckily, it's just a temporary thing.

* Police say that synthetic cocaine is being sold in gas stations, disguised as bath salts. So if you recently bought bath salts at a gas station — why did you do that?

* President Obama aired his first campaign ad of 2012, which promotes his record on clean energy. Obama’s a big environmentalist. In fact, for the election he plans to recycle the same promises he made four years ago.

* Mitt Romney says President Obama's promises are like Kim Kardashian's marriagewedding vows. President Obama shot back. He said Romney’s positions last about half as long as a Kim Kardashian marriage.

* Yanno why it's called labor day? Because it's 9 months after New Years Eve...

* For those who voted for the Democrats because they didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Are you feeling like it is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache??

* The FCC says you will soon be able to send text messages to 911. I'm sure 911 operators can't wait to get texts that say, 'Being carjacked, LOL.'

* The economy is so bad, even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.

* Herman Cain was the first Republican presidential candidate to get secret service protection. The level of protection a candidate gets depends on how well-known they are. For example, Jon Huntsman got a 10-minute judo lesson and a plastic whistle.

* A pecan tree can live for 300 years and when they’re old and gnarled, they can still bear fruit. They’re like the tree world’s Larry King.

* Texas Governor Rick Perry now says his wife encouraged him to run for President. Remember first he told us God told him to run; now his wife is telling him to run. Same thing; the only difference is that if you ignore what God says you don't have to hear about it until the afterlife.

* Sources are reporting that Ryan Seacrest is being considered as a replacement for Matt Lauer. Earlier this month, he was informed there was a show on TV that he doesn't host and he became very angry. How many jobs can a person do? Forget Wall Street. These protesters should be occupying Ryan Seacrest.

* I paid $100 for a dozen roses for my anniversary recently. Yeah, I know that roses are expensive but $100 for a dozen? That’s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.

* The Wallenda kids started walking the tightrope at age 4. To do something like that when you're that age, you need three things: courage, resolve, and horrible parents.

* Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

* Labor Day is the day that Americans take three days off from looking for work.

* Sprint has a two-screen phone called the Echo. One screen is for you, and the other displays an apology to the person you’re eating dinner with.

* Osama bin Laden’s former deputy, Ayman al-Zawahiri, has officially taken over as the leader of al-Qaida. I know that, because today he updated his profile on LinkedIn.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Keep it clean for gene.