Monday, April 2, 2012

Get a coffee and donut. Time for GREG'S GIGGLES!

Ladies 'n' germs.... Mr. GREG SCHANKIN!

* The Super Bowl is the most watched program in history, which was not good news if you’re a member of the Patriots.

* Over the weekend, Starbucks closed its very first east coast store, which opened 19 years ago. Apparently, it just couldn't keep up with its main competition: the Starbucks across the street.

* To help working mothers in Indonesia, a company is providing breast milk couriers. What happens is the courier takes the milk from the factory where the mother works and takes it to the factory where the baby works.

* Mayor Bloomberg wants to outlaw alcohol in New York City. How about outlawing rats in the subway?

* A new study shows that taxicabs in New York City are harder to find during rush hour. Really? Also, empty barstools are harder to find during happy hour. The study was conducted by the “American Council of Stuff We Already Know.”

* The House of Representatives has passed a bill that prohibits people from using welfare money in strip clubs or liquor stores. I agree with that. Strip clubs and liquor stores should be off limits for people who get government funds — you know, like congressmen.

* Taco Bell plans to start selling tacos made out of nacho cheese Doritos. Their goal is to create Mexican food that's totally unrecognizable to the Mexican people.

* Some people think the world is ending in 2012. These people are called idiots.

* A new survey shows that an obese man is more likely to suffer serious injury from a car crash than a normal weight man. Unless, of course, the obese man falls on top of the normal weight man.

* CNN is letting viewers ask the candidates questions at its next Republican debate. It’ll be awkward when they're like, "This question’s from Mark in Texas." Mark asks: "What else is on?”

* Paul McCartney told Rolling Stone magazine that his pot-smoking days are over. How ironic. He's finally at the age where he can use medical marijuana, and now he quits.

* A woman in Illinois is auctioning off a 2005 Chrysler that once belonged to President Obama. You could tell it was Obama’s car because it gets off to a fast start and then stalls for the next three years.

* President Obama has ordered new sanctions against Iran’s central bank for engaging in deceptive practices. You know, I got a better idea. How about sanctions against our banks for deceptive practices?

* President Obama is in Los Angeles today hoping to raise millions of dollars — which may be why he was seen in the audience line this morning at "The Price Is Right." Barack Obama, come on down!

* There’s a new channel called DOG TV that offers 24 hours of programming to entertain dogs while their owners are gone. That's crazy. My dog doesn't want to watch TV — not when I just got him an iPad.

* Spring/Easter holidays coming up. Be forwarned. They say the day people go back to work after the holidays was the most depressing day of the year. Funny thing. People who don't have jobs are depressed because they don't have one and those of us who do are depressed that we do.

* There’s a iPhone app that translates a baby’s cry into words. The most common translation? “Can you stop looking at your damn iPhone for one second and pick me up? I’m a crying baby!”

* If your co-workers had ash on their heads yesterday, it means they're Catholic or they had too many margaritas and passed out in an ashtray.

* Newt Gingrich is trying to save his campaign by focusing only on areas where he has the most support. So he's mostly focusing on Georgia, Tennessee, and Cheesecake Factory. And Kaye Jewelers. And ADAM.

* The L.A. car owners whose cars were burned were really upset, except for the people that owned Kias. They were thrilled.

* Gary Busey filed for bankruptcy last week. He only has $50,000 in personal assets and $500,000 in personal debt. What is he spending so much money on? Not haircuts, that's for sure. Busey may be forced to sell advertising space on his teeth.

* Microsoft founder Bill Gates attended a fundraiser for President Obama on Friday. He wasn't invited, but in typical Microsoft fashion he crashed it.

....thtththththtat's all, Folks....


Keep it clean for gene.