Sunday, March 11, 2012

Spring Forward, Nose Hits Keyboard, zzzzz....
Time for Greg's Giggles!




* In Dallas, a warehouse full of energy drinks caught fire. Firefighters say the fire raged for five hours and then totally crashed.

* A 100-year-old woman has revealed that her secret to staying sharp is playing a Nintendo D.S. Sadly, no one has the heart to tell her that's the garage door opener.

* There’s a gorilla in England who has learned to walk upright. Normally, they walk on their knuckles, which is why they don’t wear jewelry.

* The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost. G.K. Chesterton

* House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says she has dirt on Newt Gingrich, but so far she's keeping her lips sealed — because that's how the last surgeon left them.

* The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you do not talk, articulate, babble, chant, chat, chatter, comment on, communicate, confess, converse, describe, drone, express, gab, gossip, influence, intone, notify, persuade, prattle, reveal, say, speak, spout, squeal, tell, utter, verbalize, voice or yak about Thesaurus Club.

* Experts say traffic deaths are down because the bad economy means more cars are being repossessed, and all the unemployment means we don't have as many people driving to work. So you know what that means? The White House economic plan is also their highway safety plan.

* A recent study found that men who go bald in their early 20s have an increased risk of developing prostate cancer. So I guess going bald in your 20s isn’t as great as you thought.

* Students at Pottstown Middle School are now not allowed to wear Uggs, because students were hiding cell phones in them. Next week, the plan is to ban pockets.

* Donald Trump announced he is building a new hotel four blocks from the White House. And with any luck, that will be about as close to the White House as Donald Trump will ever get.

* A Southern California teacher has been arrested for allegedly teaching while drunk. They could tell she was wasted. She was even willing to sleep with the ugly students.

* They say President Lincoln once walked three miles to pay back a penny. That makes him the last president to do anything about the debt.

* Mitt Romney surged in New Hampshire. And if it lasts longer than four hours, he’d better call a doctor.

* Santorum says that Satan has his sights set on the United States of America. And today Satan said he tries to avoid politics because it makes him feel dirty. (Of course, Santorum is right–it's just that Satan has had his eye on this country since about mid-October 1492.)

* Iran has banned all Valentine’s Day gifts because it promotes Western culture. It’s actually a crime to buy roses for Valentine’s Day in Iran. As opposed to the U.S., where it’s a crime what they charge for roses on Valentine’s Day.

* Kodak recently filed for bankruptcy after 130 years in business. Yeah, I’d tell you more, but more on the story as it develops.

* A new study shows that American students are becoming less proficient in science, and if the trend continues, we will become a nation that’s science and chemistry illiterate. And you thought a lot of meth labs are blowing up now?

* You can’t smoke outdoors in New York City anymore. If they catch you, it’s a $50 fine — same as murder.

* A guy went into a Walmart. He's completely naked and he's stealing socks. Is that the first item, honestly? He was planning a series of robberies to put together a whole new outfit.

* Researchers found a frog in New Guinea that is so tiny, they believe it's the smallest vertebrate on the planet. It has the tiniest backbone of any living creature, except members of Congress.

* The Westminster Dog Show wrapped up in New York this week. It combines the excitement of people walking dogs to the thrill of dogs sitting perfectly still.

* A new survey found that most hairdressers don’t like listening to their clients’ stories. On behalf of clients, I’d just like to tell hairdressers, "Ditto.”

* You know a really sad thing about Valentine's Day? Some people can't have the person they really love, so they settle for someone else. But enough about the Republicans and Mitt Romney.

* John Edwards - remember that sleazeball who ran for president? He's asking that his upcoming criminal trial be delayed because he's been diagnosed with a medical condition. Lets hope it's erectile dysfunction.

And finally, today the commie website Infowars.Com says that Angelina Jolie has been instrumental in globalist warmongering and thus should be arrested. Frankly, if she escaped indictment for Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, they can't touch her for this....

.....thththththtat's all, folks.....

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Keep it clean for gene.