Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Kuz I Needz The Hitz:
Or, More Greg's Giggles!

Twenty four hours before the end of the month and I'm within 100 hitz of a new blog record. Therefore I will fall back on my blog's most brilliant and hilarious writer to put me over the top. Ladiez n Germs: Mr. GREG SHANKIN!

* Mitt Romney lost all three of the primaries a couple weeks ago. Yesterday, he begged Donald Trump to take back his endorsement. It was a big setback for the Mitt Romney campaign. Even the very poor said they felt bad for him.

* Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

* The Chinese say the year is 4710, and we say the year is 2012. I’m just going to guess that they probably got the math right on that.

* Justin Bieber's scandal broke. This is the latest. The woman who claims Bieber fathered her love child says they had sex in a bathroom. Meanwhile, Justin is saying he didn't know they had sex. He just thought the babysitter gave him a really good bath.

* My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates

* I'm so excited, Christmas season is finally here. ... A new survey found that two of the most popular holiday songs are 'Jingle Bell Rock' and 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.' The LEAST popular Christmas song: 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Herman Cain.'

* Rod Blagojevich was convicted of trying to sell Barack Obama's vacant senate seat. If he had waited a few years, he could probably have sold it back to Barack Obama.

* In Utah a hunter was shot in the ass, when his dog stepped on his shotgun. The dog later apologized and said, “Sorry, but you did neuter me.”

* I heard that drug stores in New York have started selling do-it-yourself paternity kits. Or as most people are calling them, “Maury: The Home Game.”

* Wal-Mart is now offering free tax advice at more than 3,000 of its stores. Finally answering the question, “Where can I get tax advice, kitty litter, and a shotgun all in one convenient location?”

* A campaign staffer on the Newt Gingrich campaign was fired because he was making negative comments about Mormons. I thought, “Wait a minute, isn't Newt in favor of multiple wives?”

* The last line of the story of The Emperor's New Clothes--the line they don't tell children--goes like this: "And then the boy was arrested by the King's guard and never seen again."

* TSA is no longer going to use that scanner that shows passengers in the nude. They made an executive decision yesterday after Aretha Franklin boarded a flight at LAX.

* President Obama urged private businesses to hire more workers. He didn’t realize that only the government hires more people than it needs.

* Politicians have to reach a lot of different people in Florida. It's a
very diverse population. You have old people there and then really old people there.
It looks like we’ll begin to pay our debt to China. Last week, we returned Yao Ming.

* Ron Paul says that he has a big youth following. You can tell by looking at the guy he's a regular Justin Bieber.

* They say 50 is the new 30 — not in age, in money: $50 is now worth about $30

* The Greek government is in such trouble they’ve halted production of hummus & taramasalata. Yes, it’s a double dip recession.

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