Monday, January 23, 2012

You can delay work a few minutes.
It's Time for Greg's Giggles.

Ladeez 'n' Germs, GREG SHANKIN!

* The economy is so bad, that a prostitute asked me if she could borrow $20 until she can get back on her back.

* It's so bad, a stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

* Department store Santas are apparently being trained to lower children’s expectations about toys because of the recession. Yeah, it’s weird when you ask Santa for a train set and he’s like, ‘Yeah, how ‘bout a bus token?’

* Ahmadinejad was in New York recently where he said publically that he hates Jews and gays. Man, is he in wrong town.

* I was in the supermarket today, and I saw some Occupy Wall Street protesters in the dairy department. They were protesting the 1 percent milk.

* FOX shows are usually just loud cartoon characters making fools of themselves. You know, like Homer Simpson, Family Guy, Simon Cowell.

* The rhetoric is heating up between Republicans Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney. These two do not like each other. Newt has opposed many of Romney's positions – but to be fair, so has Romney.

* The movie that “Harry Potter” fans have been waiting for is finally here: “Winnie the Pooh.”

* Heavenly Father, / So far this past year, you have taken away my favorite singer, / Michael Jackson, my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, / my favorite actress, Farrah Fawcett, my favorite comedian, / Soupy Sales, my favorite pitchman, Billy Mays and my favorite sidekick, Ed McMahon. / Just so you know, my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. / Thank you.

* It's my birthday, and I asked for a Rolex and got a Rolodex. Just damn.

* A man in Georgia was arrested for burglary after he left his Facebook account open on the victim’s computer. But this is nice: He’s only been in jail a few hours, and his status already says “In a Relationship!”

* Apparently, Mitt Romney is planning to build a huge addition onto his beach house in California. And here’s the cool part: They’re using the same wood that they used to build Mitt Romney.

* The economy's so bad, Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

* President Obama gave candy to trick-or-treaters at the White House. Obama wanted people to like his costume, so he went as himself from 2008.

* A couple got married in a Starbucks. Isn't that nice? What, Dunkin' Donuts not good enough?

* The season premiere of "Glee" was on Tuesday. Viewership dropped this year by 35 percent. Apparently a large number of "Glee" viewers were offended by the episode's controversial male-female kiss.

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Keep it clean for gene.