Monday, January 30, 2012

Greg's Giggles on A Monday Moanin'

Ladeez 'n' germs, GREG SHANKIN!

* Politics: From the Greek word 'poly,' meaning 'many,' and 'tics,' meaning blood sucking parasites.

* Vice President Joe Biden mailed his family Christmas card which was signed with his dog Champ's paw print. The weird thing is, Biden actually does that with all his important documents.

* A new study found that children born in March are more likely to become pilots, while children that are supposed to be born in March but keep delaying their arrival become Delta pilots.

* One of President Obama’s speech writers quit his job to pursue his dream of writing comedy. So now, he’s a speech writer for Joe Biden.

* A company in Virginia has a new DNA test than can predict your child’s athletic skills. Here’s the test: If you’re a child and you know what DNA is, you’re not an athlete.

* There'll be two dates on your tombstone and all your friends will read 'em but all that's gonna matter is that little dash between 'em.

* America’s credit rating took a real hit recently. Last year the U.S. actually lost its AAA status. Joe Biden asked, “What happens if I get a flat tire?”

* A group of Florida grandmothers posed nude for a calendar to help raise money for charity. The charity was the “Wish We Were Blind Society.”

* Lady Gaga complained that the U.S. is allowing Iran and North Korea to get nukes and we have to stop them. Before the White House makes any decision, they’re waiting to hear from Britney Spears.

* Happy birthday to Arnold Schwarzenegger. He celebrated quietly with half his money.

* Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said if his country wants to make a nuclear bomb, they will. Then he said he’s getting his ears pierced, and there’s nothing you can do about it, Dad! Nothing!

* Happy birthday to Whole Foods, which is 31 years old. Before Whole Foods, if you wanted to pay $60 for a roasted chicken, you had to go to Zender's in Frankenmuth

* The woman who attempted to rob Alex Trebek’s hotel room may face 25 years in prison. Even worse, while she’s waiting for the judge’s decision, they’ll make her listen to the music from “Jeopardy.”

* I saw the Twilight movie and I’ll tell you something. For someone who can't see himself in the mirror, Edward’s hair looks amazing.

* L.A. Riot police arrested hundreds of people outside city hall, still less violent than Black Friday at every Walmart in America.

* Everybody in Detroit has been in a very festive mood. I even saw two strangers splitting a cab. One guy took the tires, one guy took the radio.

* Obama bought equipment to brew his own beer in the White House. That might explain some of those economic policies!

* Arnold Schwarzenegger was seen wearing a t-shirt that said, 'I Survived Maria.' Maria Shriver was seen wearing a shirt that said, 'I Survived 'Twins.' 'End of Days' and 'Jingle All the Way.'

* When the lion lies down with the lamb, generally it's lunch time.

* Congress has rejected raising the debt ceiling, so if China calls, let it go to voicemail!!!

...thththtat's all folks......

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Keep it clean for gene.