Friday, January 20, 2012

Friday. Time for some Greg's Giggles.....

Ladies 'n' Germs.... GREG'S GIGGLES with GREG SCHANKIN!

* Ford engineers are working on technology to let your car communicate with the cars around you. The new technology is called “a horn.”

* Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he'll be publishing a memoir. It will be available in hardcover, paperback, and a book on tape that's impossible to understand.

* Justin Bieber was on "Dancing With the Stars." He wanted to check out the floor he'll be dancing on in four or five years.

* VMA may stand for “Video Music Awards,” but I feel like it stands for “Vulgar-Mouthed Adolescents." The first time I watched the VMAs, the best new artist was Beethoven.

* A law signed by Arnold Schwarzenegger will soon release thousands of female prisoners. The man’s a genius. Soon thousands of women who haven’t been with a man for years will be free and thinking they owe Arnold a favor.

* Rod Blagojevich, former governor of Illinois, stood under some mistletoe last December and kissed 14 years goodbye.

* Pope Benedict lit a Christmas tree in Italy using a Sony tablet. Yes, a Sony tablet. That's how you know Europe’s in trouble, when even the Pope can't afford an iPad.

* President Obama’s staff got raises of 8 percent, more than double the average for regular Americans, which is 3 percent. But to be fair, many of them will be unemployed next November.

* While chasing a burglar, Alex Trebek injured his Achilles tendon, or as he calls it, “the tendon named for this hero of Greek mythology.”

* Occupy L.A. encampment is over and with it, the world's longest hacky sack game comes to an end.

* President Obama came home after a 9-day trip to Asia. Well, he got to see some stuff he never sees at home, like jobs.

* A woman in Oklahoma was arrested for making meth inside a Wal-Mart. Or as Wal-Mart put it, “Told you we had everything!” (We’re glad SOMETHING available at Wal-Mart is made in America these days....)

* Michelle Obama has convinced the owners of the Olive Garden to cut calories and sodium by 20 percent. They took the first lady’s advice because Michelle Obama is more Italian than anybody that works at the Olive Garden.

* Ford is building a new plant that will create 5,000 jobs in India. Or maybe it's a plastic surgery clinic... they're making Tatas.

* Vice President Joe Biden has been in China meeting with the Chinese Vice President. One embarrassing moment during the trip when he met the Chinese Vice President's children, he said, 'What factory do you work in? Those are nice sneakers, did you make those?'

* The economy is so bad, my niece told me she wants to dress up as a 401-K next Halloween so that she can turn invisible.

* There’s a move to divide California into two states: the state of poverty and the state of bankruptcy.

* Authorities have discovered what they call the most sophisticated tunnel ever found underneath the U.S.-Mexican border, being built by a Mexican drug cartel. And Gov. Rick Perry asked the question we're all asking: “Why can't these tunnels be dug by hard-working American drug cartels?”

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Keep it clean for gene.