Tuesday, December 27, 2011

♪♪On The 3rd Day of Christmas
Greg's Giggles gave to thee.....♪♪

For what is hopefully a very slow work week. Ladies 'n' Germs, GREG SCHANKIN!

* Lindsay Lohan is going back to jail again, for 30 days. On the bright side, if she goes back to jail one more time, she gets a free sandwich at Subway. // Anyway, 30 days isn't that long. It's like half a Kardashian marriage. Not even.

* President Obama will embark on a bus tour through the Midwest that will focus on jobs — mainly, him trying to keep his.

* Osama bin Laden's successor was taken out by an American drone. An American drone? Isn't that Mitt Romney?

* Sunday, Chargers kicker Nick Novak was caught on TV urinating on the sidelines during San Diego’s overtime loss to Denver. Marking the only time fans were really glad a player didn’t go for 2.

* On CNN, Tim Pawlenty accused President Obama of “hiding in the basement” during debt ceiling talks. While Joe Biden accused President Obama of “locking him in the basement” during debt ceiling talks.

* Bank of America has scrapped plans for that $5 debit fee. They say, rather than doing something up front that offends people, they would get with us a $10 hidden fee we'll never see coming somewhere down the line.

* A new study found that quitting smoking can actually improve your memory. Which explains why President Obama is finally starting to remember those campaign promises he made.

* Happy Birthday to Vice President Biden, who turned 69 this weekend! When they saw him coming, White House staffers turned off the lights, hid behind the couch, and then waited for him to leave.

* The economy is so bad, Hot Wheels stock is trading higher than GM.

* Former governor of Utah, Jon Huntsman, is running for president. He's one of those guys that can do everything — he speaks Chinese. In a couple of years we’ll all be speaking Chinese, so who cares?

* Now that Pawlenty is out, the big question is whether Bachmann or Perry will get his supporter.

* When shooting a mime, don't use a silencer or his friends will hear you.

* President Obama has closed the Washington Monument in the aftermath of the Virginia earthquake. Barack's friend Bill Ayers will be hired for the demolition work

* It is the holiday season over at the White House. The theme for this year’s Christmas is “Shine, Give, Share.” While rumor is, the theme of next year’s White House Christmas will be “Clean, Pack, Move.”

* They say we avoided economic disaster. So now we’re $16 trillion in debt. That’s not “economic disaster?”

* President Obama’s re-election campaign is doing a contest where contributors can win a chance to have dinner with the president. Or, if you come in 2nd place, a mid-afternoon Hot Pocket with Joe Biden.

* President Obama will give a big speech on job preservation — I mean job creation. The speech will be translated into Spanish and Chinese so that the people who have our jobs can understand.

* A few weeks back the Democrats lost a seat they’ve held in New York since the 1920s. The White House said, “At least President Obama created one new job.”

* This year’s season of “Jersey Shore” takes place in Italy. Without giving away too much, I didn’t even know the Pope had a hot tub.

* The Justice Dept is trying to block the merger between AT&T and T-Mobile. It’s only fair because AT&T keeps blocking the mergers between me and the people I try to call.

* My retirement fund is holding steady at ten cents a can....

* "I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

Happy New Year to everyone, and please remember Wil (Billy) Mange in your prayers; his recovery continues!

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Keep it clean for gene.