Monday, November 21, 2011

Greg's Giggles for Turkey Week

Ladeez and Germs, Mr. GREG SCHANKIN! (And you'd thought I'd forgotten.)

* Conrad Murray was found guilty of giving Michael Jackson an overdose of a prescription sleeping aid. Pretty reckless on the part of the doctor. They said the sedative he prescribed was five times more powerful than a Joe Biden speech.

* Southwest Airlines said someone is painting Arabic symbols on the sides of the airplanes. But they claim it's not a safety concern. Really? Some nutjob is close enough to the plane to paint an Arabic symbol on it. Shouldn't that be a Red flag?

* On this day in 1922 King Tut's tomb was discovered and the men who discovered it are still considered the greatest fortune hunters of all time, not counting the woman who claimed Justin Bieber is the father of her baby.

* Facebook is hiring. Good luck finding workers who aren't going to screw around all day on Facebook.

* All the world leaders at the United Nations agree on one thing: Superman has got to do more.

* Congress was hard at work Tuesday. They voted 396-9 to reaffirm "In God We Trust" as our national motto. I still don't know why we would trust God after what he did to Kim Kardashian and Kris.

* It was the final episode of “Kate Plus Eight.” Now, if you want to hear Kate Gosselin scream at her children, you’ll have to move within a 12-block radius of her house.

* A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

* A Chinese businessman bought a bottle of rare scotch for $200,000. The Chinese are buying bottles of scotch for $200,000, and our president is brewing his own beer in the basement.

* An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids. Shortly after he was arrested, the police also arrested the world's most optimistic pimp.

* I know the Lions lost again, but it's better than a couple of years ago, when they couldn't have scored against the Christians.

* Facebook has been redesigned and it now contains a real-time news ticker. Every update says, “Breaking news: You’re screwing around at work.”

* A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or they just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.

* The Solyndra executives are scheduled to testify before Congress, and they’re expected to take the 5th. Why not take the 5th? They’ve already taken $535 million.

* President Obama plans to create thousands of new jobs by replacing all automobile GPS systems with real people who sit in the back seat with a map.

* After pressure from Republicans, President Obama moved his big jobs speech from Wednesday to Thursday night. Obama gave in when he realized something important: He could just TiVo “Jersey Shore.”

* A woman in Colorado was arrested for groping a TSA agent last week. On the bright side, today she was offered a job with the TSA.

* They say hurricane Irene could be the biggest disaster to hit New York since “Spider-Man the Musical.”

* The United States’ credit rating was downgraded to AA+. Am I the only one who thinks that doesn’t sound so bad? It's better then any of my report cards ever were!

* Chaz Bono was spotted shirtless on the set of “Dancing With the Stars.” There were no survivors.

* There’s talk of splitting California into two different states. Apparently, this divorce between Arnold and Maria is bigger than we thought.

* A couple of people who worked for the presidential candidate Michele Bachmann say that she gets these chronic migraines. That's been the story. To derail her candidacy a lot of people are trying to make it like it's a female thing, cause she gets these headaches. It's not. President Obama also has a chronic headache. It's called Joe Biden!

* What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence!

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Keep it clean for gene.