Monday, November 28, 2011

Greg's Giggles for a Monday Moanin'....

Ladies & Germs, Mr. Greg SHANKIN!

* Hey, it’s rumored that Charlie Sheen checked his ex-wife Brooke Mueller out of rehab in Mexico and brought her to another facility. Which begs the question: What kind of rehab facility lets Charlie Sheen check someone out?

* President Obama is losing support from his own party. In fact Jimmy Carter just compared him to Jimmy Carter.

* Michelle Obama urged her husband’s supporters to sign an e-card for his 50th birthday. Which explains why Joe Biden has magic marker all over his computer screen.

* Prince Charles adopted a puppy. He has floppy ears and a big snout — and I don’t know what the puppy is like.

* The military’s policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell” is officially over. Don’t confuse this with President Obama’s economic policy, which is “don’t ask, I don’t want to talk about it.”

* The government is one week away from running out of money to pay its bills. So basically, our nation has become Nicholas Cage.

* President Obama says he inherited most of the problems with the economy. I think he's being modest. He deserves a little credit.

* They had so much rain in New York that a lot of the cabbies had their first shower in years.

* In two weeks, Regis Philbin will stop doing whatever it is he does. I'm telling you, two more weeks of this. It was easier to get Gadhafi out.

* I read Dick Cheney's book. I don’t want to ruin it for anybody, but in the final chapter he kills Harry Potter. If you want the book, in the bookstore go past the self-help section. It’s in the self-serving section. (Hey, at least the guy he shot was a lawyer. Unfortunately it was the only Republican trial lawyer in the United States.)

* The economy is so bad, Barack Obama changed his slogan to "Maybe We Can!"

* "Ahnult! What is best in life?" "Zu Kiss Ze Enemy, See Zem Driving On Ze Street Bevor You, Und Hear Ze Lamentation of Zer Husbands!"

* The poor long for riches, the rich long for heaven, but the wise long for a state of tranquility.

* Anyone who teases you loves you. - Jewish Proverb

* "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Vice President Al Gore

* Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

* The other day I saw MICROCOSMOS, a 1996 French movie about insects doing whatever it is that insects do. My favorite scene: where an extremely determined dung beetle rolls his wedding gift from point 'A' to point 'C' but stopping at point 'B' when the 'present' gets impaled on a twig. The struggle that followed reminded me of work.

* A restaurant in New York is serving a grilled cheese-flavored martini. wow , finally, a way to get my kids to finish their martinis.

* There’s a new social network just for senior citizens. Actually, we’re just sending them to MySpace and telling them it’s new.

* Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

* Stupidity: God's way of saying "You! Out Of The Gene Pool!"

* A new study found that a mother’s diet affects her baby’s allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats.

* Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

* A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?" He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise.'"

((Thththtthtat's all, folks......))

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Keep it clean for gene.