Tuesday, October 25, 2011

"She* turned me on to a Newt!"

(Or: "I got better. Maybe." )

Time to come out of the closet.

I may have been VERY reluctantly dragged to the point where I can support the Newtster for the White House.


I'll admit I don't seem to have much success in picking candidates. I wrote a letter to Newt to run back in '07, but he didn't even respond to the letter much less bother to run. And, in the 2008 primaries, I pulled the lever for Fred Thompson, and we all know how that turned out. And: I'll admit I wanted a date next November with a gorgeous lady from the far north .... but she stood me up. (I did pick Sarah for VP four months before she hit the national scene.... but again... *sigh.*)

So. I'll have to pick one from the remainder pile.


Looking at the field--no Snow White, all seven dwarfs--there's not much.

Except.... (c'mon Rich you can say it) .... Newt.

Yeah, him. Newt Gingrich.

Leave aside his three marriages and other bad judgment reference his, er, Amish-style pants (no zipper).

Leave aside his worse judgment about NY-23 and global barmying.

Leave aside his use of a T-Rex skull as an office decoration when he was Speaker. (Whether it was a sly geeky joke about how he was portrayed in the press OR an attempt to intimidate supplicants, either way... bad idea.)

And leave aside the fact that the Clinton impeachment was unsuccessful because the man who should have led the charge had his shoes nailed to the floor for reasons we all know.

And leave aside the fact tat I lost my job on Capitol Hill as a result of his resignation as Speaker back in '98-99.

In fact, let's leave aside all the skeletons in his closet. Of which there are enough to fill a morgue. (Why do skeletons matter? Cuz Newt's a Pubbie. We can't get away with what Dems can get away with. Skeletons? Hell, if Newt's could fill a morgue, Clinton had enough to cast a George Romero movie. But Clinton of course was a donk. Democrats can get away with anything but the legendary "dead girl or a live boy", and even these are acceptable if you're a Massachusetts Democrat. Not so the GOP. Pubbies are 'spected to behave themselves.)

So. Anyway. The fact is, if not Newt, who else is there?

Bachmann, Huntsman, and RonPaul!....? Three Congresscritter wannabees? No, no, and in the case of RonPaul!, not just no but HELL NO. There hasn't been a House member elected since, what, Grover Cleveland maybe?

Cain? A politically inexperienced guy who has NEVER run for office before, whose primary qualification is the fact that he's black? Frankly, we got one of those already. If he were a (U.S.!) Senator? A Governor? I'd consider it. As it is: I'll pass.

Perry? The proud owner of Camp Chowderhead? No thank you.

Mitt? The man who gave us Obamneycare? Hell no, Schedule II.

So that only leaves.....

....by Hobson's choice....


He would certainly wipe the floor with Obama in a debate, and he's certainly smarter than everybody, on BOTH sides, put together.

And he would certainly be able to survive the drowning-by-spittle that the press would dish out. He's been there, done that, and survived with relative aplomb.

I like the fact that he said, in one of his autobiographies, that, for him, the life-changing event was his visit, as a youth, to the ossuaries at Verdun, where he first realized that politics matter. I had a similar experience at Tuzla and Srebrenica.

Most of all, he's a lower-case f-federalist, pro-strong-defense, pro-business, mostly-trad-values supporter whom the Tea Partiers would not find totally repugnant, even if they, like me, would have to take a little time to get used to the idea.

In short: I'd vote for him, wearing clothespin on nose, simply because everyone else appears to be utterly unqualified. Alas. (One day I hope to vote for a guy for some reason other than he...er...stinks less than anybody else.)

So. One cheer for Newt. (Yaaaay.) ( "...and there was great rejoicing!")

(*Dr. Karen Siegemund, Professor of Mathematics, University of Massachusetts and a single sane person surrounded by lunatics. Yes, Karen, you can take credit.)

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