Monday, October 31, 2011

Scary Greg's Giggles for 10/31/2011

What? I already posted something today? And it wasn't Greg's Giggles?

Okay, okay already.... Ladies 'n' Germs, Mr. Greg SCHANKIN!

* A new study found that using Facebook too much can lead to psychological problems. Which explains that new relationship status, "It's complicated . . . because a magical unicorn said it was."

* Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman announced that he received the endorsement of Jeb Bush, Jr., who is the son of the brother of the former president. Analysts say he's sewn up the crucial 'guy you didn't know existed' vote.

* Rumor has it that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are friends again. There you have it. Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton are now more mature than President Obama and John Boehner.

* Those aren't zombies. They're voters. It's election day.

* A hot dog company in Chicago is suing a rival for stealing its secret recipe. Just what we need — another weiner scandal.

* The Los Angeles Dodgers filed for bankruptcy. Digging out of this mess will be hard for them, but not as hard as winning two games in a row.

* On the bright side, with that earthquake the other day I didn't have to shake my morning martini.

* They traced the epicenter of the earthquake to N.J. Governor Chis Christie's aerobics class. / No, to Kim Kardashian's honeymoon suite.

* A panel of medical experts has recommended that health insurance companies provide free birth control to their customers. The recommendation has been hailed as 'historic' by women's' groups, and as '10 years too late' by Maria Shriver.

* Man, it's been a tough time for the economy, but last week, President Obama declared that quote "things will get better." Yep, and then he opened his eyes, and blew out the candles on his birthday cake.

* Regis Philbin won a daytime Emmy for being the best television host ever. That should take the sting out of ABC trying to push him out.

* A new report shows that due to the weak economy right now, more Americans are canceling their cable television. Good luck trying to live without eight shows about cakes.

* I hear Tim Tebow is going out for hallowe'en this year as a slow white Bronco.

* A man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk President Obama into coming back and finishing his term.

* A friend you have to buy; enemies you get for nothing. - Jewish proverb

* Amid the heat, health officials are telling Americans to stay home. Americans responded by saying, 'We are home. We have no jobs."

* The earthquake last week caused cracks in the Washington Monument. Experts say it's the biggest crack problem in D.C. since Marion Barry.

* The Chinese economy has shown signs of slowing down. Experts say that's what happens when your workforce starts to enter its teens.

* New statistics show the U.S. economy added 0 jobs in August. The White House cautioned Americans not to read too much into those numbers. What numbers?

* Hurricane Irene wasn't that bad. In fact, it was downgraded to a tropical storm. Even our hurricanes are getting downgraded.

* Mick Jagger is 68 years old. He's still out there touring, although now it's more like "wandering off." (They say he's organizing the Stone's next big show, the Steel Wheelchairs Tour.)

* Year by year the complexities of this world grow more bewildering, and so each year we need all the more to seek peace and comfort in joyful simplicities.

* President Obama signed the new debt bill into law. But it doesn't really solve the problem. Economists say in 10 years, the deficit will be $27 trillion. But you know what? In 10 years, that'll be President Bieber's problem.

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