Monday, October 10, 2011

Greg's Giggles for Columbus Day

Ladies and Germs, it's Greg Schankin!

* The east coast is still cleaning up after the earthquake. Experts say this only happens once a century. It’s Larry King’s third.

* FACEBOOK recently changed its format. My initial reaction, being a good conservative, is "It's new. I hate it. I liked it the way it was before." Then the libertarian in me takes over and then says, "It's new. I hate it. I liked it the way it was before."

* People on the East Coast are cleaning up after the hurricane and on the West Coast, we’re cleaning up after the Video Music Awards.

* Several Fox News hosts criticized “Spongebob Squarepants” for pushing a global warming agenda. Then things got really ugly when they demanded to see “Dora the Explorer’s” immigration papers.

* The woman who attempted to rob Alex Trebek’s hotel room may face 25 years in prison. Even worse, while she’s waiting for the judge’s decision, they’ll make her listen to the music from “Jeopardy.”

* After the debt vote, Sen. Chuck Schumer said it’s time for jobs to move to the front burner. They’re only worried about our jobs when they’re about to lose their jobs.

* Don't approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a fool from any side. - Jewish proverb

* Legal experts are now investigating John Edwards for the money he spent to hide his mistress and love child. The good news for Edwards is that he is now eligible to run for governor of California.

* A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or they just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.

* Obama is planning another speech on job growth. I don’t think it will be a big speech.

* The economy is so bad, Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

* Ron Paul. America's simple, easy to understand wrong answer.

* A company in Virginia has a new DNA test than can predict your child’s athletic skills. Here’s the test: If you’re a child and you know what DNA is, you’re not an athlete.

* Forty-five years ago, Star Trek's first episode appeared. Americans gathered around their TVs and asked, “Is that guy wearing a toupee?”

* NASA says that without the space shuttle, we'll have to pay the Russians $63 million to take one astronaut into space. And if the astronaut wants to check a bag, it's an extra $15 million.

* Someone unearthed the very first Ronald McDonald TV commercial. You can tell the ad is from 50 years ago, because all the little kids are skinny.

* The economy is so bad, Bill Gates had to switch to dial up.

* "All animals are equal, but some are tastier than others." (Orwell was not a PETA supporter.)

* True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

* A school in New Zealand discovered that a model skeleton for an anatomy class was actually a real human skeleton. Yeah, they made the realization when they noticed they hadn’t seen their anatomy teacher in about eight months.

* My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates

* Fashion Week started recently in New York. If you don’t know about Fashion Week, it’s like Shark Week for anyone that cares about clothes. If you can tell, I’m very much into fashion. My outfit today is called “Creepy Uncle.”

* A New York appellate court ruled it is legal for a suspicious wife to use a GPS device to track her cheating husband. More bad news for Bill Clinton.

* The economy is so bad, my niece told me she wants to dress up as a 401-K for Halloween so that she can turn invisible.

* A new survey revealed that being an IT guy is the most hated job in the country. President Obama's thinking, “Wanna bet?”

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Keep it clean for gene.