Monday, October 3, 2011

Greg's Giggles for 10/3

Ladies 'n' Germs, Mr. Greg Schankin!

* Hey, I heard that 7-Eleven is now selling potato chips that taste like hot dogs. Seriously? I’m still waiting for 7-Eleven to sell hot dogs that taste like hot dogs.

* Thirty-three soldiers from the Mexican army were allowed to return home after accidentally crossing the border into the United States. That’s how bad things are. People are only crossing the border accidentally.

* Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future. It's simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step.

* A woman in Florida called 911 after she found a bear swimming in her backyard pool. That’s right, there was a bear in the water. Or as Sarah Palin calls that, “soup.”

* A new study found that 10 percent of toddlers are overweight. That explains the most popular new stroller on the market: a wheelbarrow.

* They say 50 is the new 30 — not in age, in money: $50 is now worth about $30. (More like $2.00, Greg, in gold dollars. Alas.-RLK)

* The unemployment rate in Mexico is so low that illegal immigrants are sneaking back into Mexico. Obama has solved the illegal immigration problem!

* The economy is so bad, I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart.

* The country is running out of money and everyone is fighting. It reminds me a lot of my childhood.

* Eliot Spitzer’s show on CNN was canceled. So you wonder, how will the guy kill an hour?

* Experts say New York’s new gay marriage bill could bring $210 million into the state’s economy. Even more surprising: All of that would be from one crazy bachelor party.

* President Obama will be in New York tonight for a fundraiser at the Broadway musical “Sister Act.” Meanwhile, Sarah Palin will be in town to do some hunting at “The Lion King.”

* A new study says that swearing doesn’t make you feel better, but you know who disagrees with that? Anyone that has ever stubbed their toe.

* Congressman David Wu has resigned after being accused of unwanted sexual advances. Or as it was called in th 90's, “the Clinton.”

* The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other. MARIO PUZO

* Why do they give heat warnings? I think I’m pretty good at figuring out that it’s hot on my own.

* If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder: it would be an apocalypse!

* In New York even the subways were closed for Irene. New Yorkers had nowhere to go to the bathroom. They were stunned.

* I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re hoping for an end to the bloodshed in Libya, a peaceful transition to democracy, and . . . cheaper gas.

* "Breaking News: President Obama has just confirmed that the DC earthquake occurred on a rare and obscure fault-line, apparently known as "Bush's Fault"."

* A new way to avoid any .05 alcohol issues while driving: I went out with some friends last night and had too many drinks. Knowing that I was way over the limit, I did something that I have never done–taken a bus home. Went very smoothly and arrived safely. Amazing, as I've never driven a bus before.....

* Standard and Poor's has also warned there's a 1 in 3 chance we could be downgraded again in the next three years. We could go from AA+ to F.U....

* The city of London has fined President Obama for the traffic he caused while visiting back in May. Which raises the question, “Are there any countries we don’t owe money to?”

* To no one’s surprise, on the "Today Show" yesterday morning, John McCain said he will not be running in 2012, or walking for that matter. He’s just going to get one of those Rascal scooters and drive around.

* Democrats warned that if the debt ceiling isn’t raised, the government would cease to function. How would you be able to tell?

* Experts say that because of the debt ceiling debate, America’s credit rating could be seriously ruined. On the bright side, we were just approved for a Discover card.

* That’s right, after couples get divorced, men gain the most weight. While women gain the most stuff.

* Schools in Illinois are dropping writing portions from standardized test. When asked why, a spokesman said, “We simple does not needs them.”

PS. If you know happen to know Greg, send him an Email. He'll be pleased to hear from you.

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Keep it clean for gene.