Monday, September 19, 2011

Greg's Giggles for 9/19

It's Monday. It's cloudy. It's raining. Summer's almost over. It's time for Greg's Giggles.

Ladies 'n' germs, Mr. Greg Schankin!

* Any day where you wake up and the government is not trying to kill or imprison you or steal your money is a good day. (After all, that's what governments tend to do. Historically, that is.)

* Another St. Clair Shores tradition bites the dust - Manzella's Fruit Market closed down this past month. Comerica Bank pulled the plug on it. A sad day for a business that has been there for over 50 years. We wish Vito Manzella and his Family as well as the employees the best of luck for their futures. I am going to miss shopping there!

* After many rounds of negotiation and compromise on both sides, a deal was finally reached. That’s right, my wife would go see “Cowboys & Aliens” while I would go see “The Smurfs.”

* Researchers found that your first decision is usually your right one. Then they were like, “Scratch that, the second decision — that’s the right one.”

* A woman in Texas gave birth to baby boy weighing in at 16 pounds, 1 ounce. When they did the sonogram, the doctor was like, “I’m not sure if it’s a boy or a girl, but it’s definitely an American.”

* There’s a light bulb in Livermore, Calif., at a fire station that’s been burning constantly day and night, for 110 years. Isn’t that crazy? First turned on in 1901 — coincidentally I think that’s when Barbara Walters was first turned on.

* A new survey found that half of all American employees have faked a sick day. While the other half have just lied on a survey.

* In China they say piracy is so rampant that there are at least three fake Apple stores. It’s hard to put these people out of the business. If china arrests them for selling fake Apple products, they'll be sent to prison where they will be forced to make real Apple products.

* After Labor Day, you’re supposed to put away your white clothes. I hope someone tells Moammar Gadhafi it would be bad to wave the white flag today.

* They say the price of gas could soon be under $3 a gallon. Do you know what that means? You can now afford to drive by the house you used to live in, go by the job you used to have, and go see the bank where you used to have money.

* Vice President Joe Biden has a new Twitter account. He said he will not rest until he can embarrass the president on every media platform ever invented.

* President Obama changed his slogan from “Yes we can,” to “Yes we cave.”

* Hurricane Irene was huge news. In fact, The Weather Channel reported something they hadn’t seen in years: viewers.

* The economy is so bad, Obama met with three small businesses to discuss his Stimulus Plan: GM, Pfizer, and Citigroup.

* The economy is so bad, a picture is now only worth 200 words.

* Researchers in Britain claim they have created a gel that prevents tooth decay. We’ve got this in America. It’s called “toothpaste.”

* President Obama urged the American people to call Congress and demand that both parties work together on a compromise. The calls are 99 cents for the first minute, and a trillion dollars for each additional minute.

* Everyone in the blamestream media, copyright, is saying Newt Gingrich is on the ropes. Wrong, you parasites. This man will rise again, just like the sourdough he appears to be made of.

* James Hoffa called on President Obama to "wipe those [Tea Party] people out." I trust he didn't mean it like "rub them out."

* Hillary Clinton says she and her family stay in touch by e-mailing a lot. Bill said, 'Yeah, that's why I'm always alone on the computer in my room, e-mailing my family.'

* “Cowboys and Aliens” takes place in Arizona, which is weird. Who would have thought they would have problems with aliens in Arizona?

* There was a small fire at President Obama’s vacation home in Martha’s Vineyard. Obama then called China and said, “Darn! That's where I was keeping the $14 trillion I was about to give back! What are the odds?”

* I don’t know why Timothy Geithner would quit working at the Treasury, it must be an easy job now, especially since there’s no money in it.

* If the Lord can turn water into wine, surely he can turn debt into wine – which is good, because we're gonna need a drink.

* The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

* Newt Gingrich says he does not support gay marriage. He says marriage is a sacred sacrament that should only be between a man and his first, second, and third wives!

* The stock market had its biggest one-day drop since 2008. Remember how the experts said we had to raise the debt ceiling or the market would crash? Well, they were half right.

* A new study found that 20 percent of Internet time is spent on social networking sites. While the other 80 percent is spent hiding a Facebook window behind Excel.

'Till next week (or until Rich runs out of ideas for blog posts).... that's Greg's Giggles!

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Keep it clean for gene.