Friday, August 12, 2011

You May Be A Geek If.....

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy immortalized himself by coming up with his famous list of Things About You that May Indicate That You Are a Redneck ("If you ever had to climb a watertower with a scrub brush and a can of turpentine to defend your sister's honor.... you may be a redneck.... if you have a running tab at your local taxidermy.... you may be a redneck.... " etc.)

Well, I don't know nothing from rednecks. But in recognition of my cousin Eileen Y.'s declaration that this is Geek Week, and being an expert on the subject, I've come up with a list of signs that may indicate that You May be A Geek.

If you know how to use a c:\ prompt in DOS more efficiently than your GUI....

.... if you know the names of all the redshirts who ever died on Classic Trek and know the combination of Captain Kirk's personal safe....

.... if you know both Mr. Spock's blood type AND the name of Mr. Data's evil twin....

You May Be A Geek.

If you spent more money on table top games when you were single than you did on dating....

.... if you still spend more money on table top games than on your spouse now that you're married....

.... if you don't even have a spouse at all and therefore spend ALL your money on table top games....

You May Be A Geek.

If you know the nationality of the individual who farted in the general direction of King Arthur....

.... if you make obscure references to MAGIC THE GATHERING cards in the course of conversation and everyone within earshot chuckles....

.... if you know what Professor Bernardo de la Paz, Col. Richard Baslim, 1LT Juan Rico, Valentine Michael Smith, and Lazarus Long all have in common....

.... if a major topic of conversation is the comparison of the captaining skills of Kirk vs. Adama vs. Picard....

.... if you know the names of every member of Griffindor House for the class of 1992....

.... if you debate whether you'd prefer your man in black to climb the Cliffs of Insanity on your behalf or to walk around with one of those flashy things....

.... if you have in your possession, even hidden, any plastic figurine portraying any character from a Steven Spielberg or George Lucas movie....

You May Be A Geek.

If you prefer reading graphic novels back to front....

.... if you know what 'tsundere' or 'lolicon' mean....

.... if you can read imported Pokemon cards in the original Japanese....

.... if you have seen at least two versions of film parodies built around the Tro-lo-lo-lo guy and still think they're funny....

.... if you have ever made an active contribution to the Jargon List....

.... if your car has a bumper sticker that reads 'My other car is in orbit around Jupiter' ....

.... if you agree that serenity is a firefly you can really get into....

You May Be A Geek.

If you warn your bickering children not to make you roll for initiative....

.... if the fuzzy dice hanging from your rear view mirror have more than the standard six sides....

.... if you wonder why they don't build cities in a hexagonal grid. pattern....

.... if you think of the Lord of Darkness and Evil as either 'Asmodeus' or 'Morgoth' instead of 'Lucifer'....

You May Be A Geek.

If you regularly write using Boolean logic and multiple nested parentheses ((like this) and/or (this)) in emails to members of your family....

.... if your answer to the question "would you like milk or sugar in your coffee" is "yes"....

.... if you solved Fermat's Last Theorem in high school....

.... if you ever wrote "Old McDonald's Last Theorem (ei - ei = 0)" on a bathroom stall, ....

You May Be A Geek.

I should add: this therefore qualifies as a Geek Week tweak. (Making bad puns or rhyming, plus having the overwhelming urge to say "'No more rhyming, I mean it!" in response to the latter, may also make you a geek. Bonus points if you ask if anyone would like to have a peanut.)

PS. This is an "or" test, not an "and" test, so if you qualify on ANY of the listed grounds you may be a geek. Actually, three or more and it's dead certain.

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Keep it clean for gene.