It's SOOOOO Cold Out....((("How cold is it??!?!")))

You know it's cold outside when the thermometer shows that it's below zero ... and the temperature scale is in Kelvin.

You know it's cold outside when you start thinking fondly of your ex-wife.

You know it's cold outside when you slip on the ice--and you realize that it's not H20 but nitrogen.

You know it's cold outside when you start reminiscing of your Valentines' Day vacation a few years back.... at Stalingrad.

You know it's cold outside when your Frigidare starts to look inviting by comparison.

You know it's cold outside when you start to calculate the money you could make renting your office as a meat locker.

In short: Ice belongs in a glass. With two fingers of fine single malt Scotch. No less.